dbarwell

Asking a provider to be a reference

47 posts in this topic

I'm a newbie, just getting into hobbying. Luckily I found a provider nice enough to meet me next week even though I don't have references.

But I would like to have references going forward, and I don't really know the protocol for asking. I don't want to offend by just being like "Thanks for the great time, and by the way, can I use you as a reference?". Or would sending an email/text a few days later and asking be better?

Or do I not need to ask at all, and just shoot them a message when I find a different provider who wants a reference, saying that another provider may be in contact with them for a reference check?

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Leave a nice tip after your first encounter.  She will remember you as a reference

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Depends on who you see, you might even find they've given you a reference on here by the time you even get home from your session.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, FuriousWeasel said:

Depends on who you see, you might even find they've given you a reference on here by the time you even get home from your session.

I don't know how many ladies actually use those references.

The right thing to do is ask for a reference first. A reference is a courtesy and just expecting that they be given doesn't usually blow over well. It assumes that the provider remembers you and that it's an obligation she has to perform. You should always double check for safety reasons too. We providers really don't want to give references to any wives.

8

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you're seeing TOB girls they can give you a reference through this website and you can share them with a provider you want to see. 

I always follow up on references given to me and unfortunately whenever they're from other TS girls who are my direct competition 90% of the time they don't respond buut luckily 99% of the time cis/genetic girl references will respond to my request. So I imagine for cis/genetic girls it's the opposite and for the prickly ones like me who actually follow through contacting your references that might lead to not getting an appointment. So using TOB references or P411 OKs would probably be your best bet c:

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh and writing respectful reviews for girls you've seen (not the ones that don't want reviews though!) is a good way to get them to like you better 

4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I dcont know...Im a straightforward type of person, and I think like most (well..hopefully most) ladies, I dont feel like i now own you now that we've seen each other lol  All it takes is, after the date is done, as you say your goodbyes, ask btw, would be okay if I can use you as a reference sometime soon?  She'll either say sure, or she'll say she doesnt do references.  

But yeah, you dont need to...shouldnt need to feel like you have to bribe her with a tip, reviews, etc etc blah blah just to find out if she will be a reference for you. Tip her because you feel like she was awesome, review her if youd like to share, but not for a reference.  Just ask. Btw, ask her if she even wants reviews...more ladies nowadays are steering clear of them.

5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with Furious, it depends on who you see.  Since you're seeing a newbie-friendly provider next week, there is something that attracted you to her.  See if she will give you a reference and also ask her if she'd like a review.  NOTE:  These are two separate things.  

When I started, a few ladies and gents suggested/guided me to see other ladies.  Who knows, the lady you see next week may even recommend some of her friends to play with.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 hours ago, dbarwell said:

I'm a newbie, just getting into hobbying. Luckily I found a provider nice enough to meet me next week even though I don't have references.

But I would like to have references going forward, and I don't really know the protocol for asking. I don't want to offend by just being like "Thanks for the great time, and by the way, can I use you as a reference?". Or would sending an email/text a few days later and asking be better?

Or do I not need to ask at all, and just shoot them a message when I find a different provider who wants a reference, saying that another provider may be in contact with them for a reference check?

What I would do is ask BEFORE you schedule if  they mind doing so... that way you are being respectful of their wishes,  also ask if they would like a review😆

Being respectful and courteous will be to your benefit in the long run ... I try to live my life that way👄

Have fun😎

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, Lucy Kitten said:

I don't know how many ladies actually use those references.

The right thing to do is ask for a reference first. A reference is a courtesy and just expecting that they be given doesn't usually blow over well. It assumes that the provider remembers you and that it's an obligation she has to perform. You should always double check for safety reasons too. We providers really don't want to give references to any wives.

Not sure how many use the reference feature here either, but they seem to me to work pretty slick and to be very much equivalent to a p411 OK.  So far every lady I have asked for either or both - reference here or OK on P411 - has given.  I generally request appointment through P411 if she is a member and offer to open references here also as the lists are not the same but overlap.  I have not had some combination of both prove to not be good enough in a long time. ;)

Perhaps oddly, I have never asked any lady to be a "call her up and chat" sort of reference.  But for all I know the lady I want to see calls them all,  OK's or not.  As a general statement even though I have been participating for a loooong time ladies collectively have some pretty foggy and unclear screening methods.  Probably as it should be.

Speaking of foggy methods, I recently met a lady who is not a member of either TOB or P411, advertises on BP.  Very cautious, even a little skittish but we texted a bit, I felt pretty comfortable with her, she was comfy enough to establish a time and location.  Then out of the blue, last minute she asks "what is your name - real name."  I told her my first name and that sealed the deal.  At end of session she said that my giving her my name cinched the deal ..... but then asked  "what is your real name?"  She seemed incredulous when I told her the name I gave her IS my real name.  Then I asked what possible good asking for my name was when she fully expected and thought it was a fake name.  :eek:  Only response was a "do I have to explain it to you?" look and head shake.  I am still mystified.  But a really nice lady lol.  

Touching her boobs as mentioned elsewhere was  not part of her screening process, but being the considerate guy I am, I threw it in as a "freebie" without being asked. :lol:

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't think there really is any official protocol because everyone is different but Bella Marie's point about being respectful and courteous is the key. Make sure you treat her well when you meet her. After all, she is only going to provide a reference if she has a positive experience.

You are not likely to offend by asking for a reference after seeing someone. This whole scene is built on reputation and references and if someone agreed to see you without a reference they will likely understand that you are looking to establish yourself. Some ladies might even offer to be a reference without be asked. On the other hand, some people are uncomfortable giving out references or are very cautious about it. So you should always ask before using someone as a reference.  If they agree to be a reference, it's a good idea find out how they would like to be contacted so that you don't give out contact info that your reference does not want to share. Many providers won't just give out info about you to anyone who calls so it is also important to let them know who they should expect to contact them.

You could certainly ask the next day with a polite text message, especially if it makes you feel a bit awkward. If you had a great time with your visit then it might be lots of fun to visit her a few times until you feel comfortable enough to ask. But most likely there is no harm in asking about being a reference at the end of a meeting. You will surely need more than one reference in the future so it might even be helpful to ask for advice on getting more. If you are lucky she might recommend you visit her friend. Then you will get to see a trustworthy provider, gain another reference and have another nice evening. Worst case, if she doesn't provide references then she will let you know. If so accept it and move on.

Providing a nice review is a good gesture and she might appreciate it. Again, you should probably ask first as not everyone cares for reviews. It's not good form to write a review just to get a reference as reviews should be sincere and informative but if you had a good experience and want to share, that can go a long way to building a good reputation with her. In the end, she is going to be more inclined to give good and timely references to someone she likes.

 

 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Building a good relationship goes both ways. As well  as being totally honest once you are together and in knowing the comfort zones. We all operate differently. and possess our own portocal as to how we handle our own business affairs. 

Be relaxed, clean and fresh smelling, sober mind, straight forward in conversation through all contact(emails, calls, in person), smiles, sincerely excited to be with me for the time, present in the moment, donation present in plain view - tap it on the dresser please.

Trust me in saying I will be always willing to give a reference. I look out for others in our world (both clients as well as for other providers). Love  reviews, tips. gifts!  However, I will never accept gifts as in a form of a bribe! 😳 I do have self pride and integrity!

What I ask of you I will always provide back  with EXACTLY the same in in return! 

 

8

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, Bella Marie said:

What I would do is ask BEFORE you schedule if  they mind doing so...

I assume you mean ask my previous provider if they'd give me a reference before I give them out as a reference with a new provider, is that right?

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
22 hours ago, NicoleSaunders said:

I dcont know...Im a straightforward type of person, and I think like most (well..hopefully most) ladies, I dont feel like i now own you now that we've seen each other lol  All it takes is, after the date is done, as you say your goodbyes, ask btw, would be okay if I can use you as a reference sometime soon?  She'll either say sure, or she'll say she doesnt do references.  

But yeah, you dont need to...shouldnt need to feel like you have to bribe her with a tip, reviews, etc etc blah blah just to find out if she will be a reference for you. Tip her because you feel like she was awesome, review her if youd like to share, but not for a reference.  Just ask. Btw, ask her if she even wants reviews...more ladies nowadays are steering clear of them.

This is solid advice.

BTW...it's 80 here today. You had mentioned in an earlier thread that you wouldn't consider a trip to Colo until it was warm...just sayin'

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, dbarwell said:

I assume you mean ask my previous provider if they'd give me a reference before I give them out as a reference with a new provider, is that right?

Yes, I believe that is what she meant, and even if not, that is the best approach.  If you have one lady who you got along well with, the last thing you want to do is foul it up by giving out her name as a reference if this makes her angry.  After all, you will probably want to go back.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
22 hours ago, MrBigShot said:

This is solid advice.

BTW...it's 80 here today. You had mentioned in an earlier thread that you wouldn't consider a trip to Colo until it was warm...just sayin'

I love how you slipped that in there hahaha!!!!  Yeah, when I heard of all the snowstorms and crazy weather going on right now, i pretty much decided to stay put and havnt thought of venturing out right now. But...its in the 80s there now? hrmmm!!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This reference and verification and review thing is new to me but i see the potential for a black market or sub market since these have become a sort of human equity commodity....

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/17/2017 at 1:05 PM, NicoleSaunders said:

I love how you slipped that in there hahaha!!!!  Yeah, when I heard of all the snowstorms and crazy weather going on right now, i pretty much decided to stay put and havnt thought of venturing out right now. But...its in the 80s there now? hrmmm!!

The weather here in Colorado has been BEAUTIFUL, that is if you like warm days, cool nights and awesome sunrises and sunsets...   Coming from Miami, make sure you drink lots of water and bring lotion.  The air is dry.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, CountryGentleman said:

The weather here in Colorado has been BEAUTIFUL, that is if you like warm days, cool nights and awesome sunrises and sunsets...   Coming from Miami, make sure you drink lots of water and bring lotion.  The air is dry.

You are not kidding!!! Every time I venture out to the west coast, I carry around a bottle of lotion, chapstick, and drink so much water Im pretty sure Ill burst and float away lol  But Ill tell you what, if I style up my hair, it doesnt frizz up at all...and that alone kinda makes dealing with the arid climate all worth it hehe!

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Love the idea of contacting your original provider with a request for a refrence by voice over the phone prior to contacting your new provider of interest.

Hell I just call that TACT baby! 

Kisses😘😘

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ask politely if you could use her as a reference but don't ask her upon leaving her place after your very first meeting. You don't want to put her in troubles if she doesn't want to give a reference. Maybe she doesn't do that or she didn't like you for whatever reason.... ask later by text, email or a call.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To the OP thanks for asking the question.  As a newbie I didn't know how to go about getting references either.  Thanks for everyones input.  Not having any references has been the biggest hurdle for me.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, pyramid said:

Not having any references has been the biggest hurdle for me.

 

You are right but there are plenty of ladies that are newby friendly! ;)

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Knowing that some of the gentlemen like variety, I usually offer to be a reference. 

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Providing references between providers is a way to protect each other. Providers and clients. 

I give references all the time. It's good to ask before name dropping. 

I get more annoyed when clients talk to other providers about details. Discretion is important. Consent to share info is excellent. 

People who refuse to give references out of competitiveness are selfish insecure jerks LOL. 

6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, DominaElle said:

 

I get more annoyed when clients talk to other providers about details. Discretion is important. Consent to share info is excellent. 

People who refuse to give references out of competitiveness are selfish insecure jerks LOL. 

Love this advice...keep intimate details private!

Take the petty jealousy out of refrence giving. Let's just keep the business safe for all who pertisapate! You don't own anyone!!

I gave out 4 references this week alone do far!  Clients call me ahead of time If you need to use me foe a reference.  Because I have no qualms with being helpful! Wake up people! Hope I get some calls too! However, being helpful is very important in our realm and to me too! Don't dog it ladies!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/14/2017 at 8:03 PM, dbarwell said:

I'm a newbie, just getting into hobbying. Luckily I found a provider nice enough to meet me next week even though I don't have references.

But I would like to have references going forward, and I don't really know the protocol for asking. I don't want to offend by just being like "Thanks for the great time, and by the way, can I use you as a reference?". Or would sending an email/text a few days later and asking be better?

Or do I not need to ask at all, and just shoot them a message when I find a different provider who wants a reference, saying that another provider may be in contact with them for a reference check?

Being discrete has been my biggest concern. Having someone calling another party about me is not something I'm not comfortable with. My personal information and business is mine alone. I choose not to ask anyone around for theirs and expect the same respect in return.

 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
21 hours ago, *Merlin said:

Being discrete has been my biggest concern. Having someone calling another party about me is not something I'm not comfortable with. My personal information and business is mine alone. I choose not to ask anyone around for theirs and expect the same respect in return.

 

Wait, what?  So you are a consumer of the information that the YLs need to have out there to run their business, but you don't want them to protect themselves by having any information on you?  Wow, quite the double standard there!  I am pretty sure there is far more information out there on each of these YLs than they are ever asking about on you.  They probably want to know if you will be polite, pay for their time, and be clean, but apparently this is personal information that invades your privacy.   

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
22 hours ago, *Merlin said:

Being discrete has been my biggest concern. Having someone calling another party about me is not something I'm not comfortable with. My personal information and business is mine alone. I choose not to ask anyone around for theirs and expect the same respect in return.

 

So what do you offer as a screening alternative? Serious question. References are the most painless method of screening it requires you the client to divulge as little private information as possible.

4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now