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CountryGentleman

"Proximity" risk

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I understand most of the risks involved in participating in the hobby, but there's one I'm trying to wrap my head around and would love to hear other people's input.

I live in a smaller city of around 100K people, for 20 years.  I'm not a public figure but I know a lot of people and am in the forefront of a couple organizations that are large enough that there are several hundred people who know and recognize me that I wouldn't recognize.  Suffice it to say that the majority of the people I know do not share my views in this area and would not think it's a good thing if they found out I participate.  So far the fear of being discovered has kept me from visiting any of the local providers even though several of them sound beautiful and outstanding by their reviews.   I'd really like to have more accessible options than travelling an hour or more.   The two mian things that worry me are (1) that the provider knows me when I walk in, or (2) that they meet or already know someone that I know (or my family) and we end up at a gathering together.  Either of which could be a major problem for me.

I could be just too paranoid, but it seems like the risk is just too high.  

Any advice from the community?

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"but it seems like the risk is just too high."

 

Then it's too high. Sometimes the right answer is no.  

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My sympathies. I can relate to this since my first 'hobby' experience was in a different city as well, but mainly because I was concerned about nosy neighbors seeing a pretty lady walk up to my door.

You seem to really value your standing in the community and don't want to jeopardize that. I'd echo that the right answer would be 'no' in your hometown.

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I have had requests to play near my hometown. I have declined. The gossips in smaller cities are brutal, and walking into a home of someone I would not normally be conversing with would be fodder for the nosey and bored.

Take trips and stick with ladies that are legit and kind of(or majorly) under the radar, or do not partake.

Xoxo,

Samantha Sheppard

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9 hours ago, SultryKitten said:

... or do not partake.

With Lovelies like you out there?  Not Likely! ;)

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Discretion and professionalism are the key to everyone in this business. Most all providers value both equally and are adept at practicing both on a daily basis. Your concerns of being "outed" or recognized are quite common for most "Hobbyists" and IMHO valid. Only you know whether the risks will outweigh the rewards if you decide to participate. It's such an individual decision that each of us have to make on our own each time we decide to participate.

I've had situations you describe happen to me in a public setting and it turned out just fine. I'm sure there are others who have stories of a happenstance meeting in public that didn't turn out so well but for the most part those are rare in the grand scheme of things.

We're all just people with lives outside of the Hobby/Business with interests and identities to protect. As with every other aspect of Life, there are a few bad apples that don't share this view of discretion and or have an axe to grind. Outing or intentionally harming  anyone in this business not only harms those involved but everyone one of us in some way.

If you're still concerned with participating in your small town, I would suggest travelling to a nearby town, city or neutral setting since that would reduce your risks of being recognized by a provider through your Real Life.

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For a bit of perspective, our services are not just about time or what we do together, but also discretion...  A true professional (heck, a true human being) would not even flinch or say a thing if you happen to cross paths on a social level so compromise your privacy.  Not to mention, to say anything would be saying something of herself as well.  

So even if she knows you...even if you meet again in a social stetting among friends and family, she *should* smile, say "so nice to meet you!" if you are introduced, as if its the first time shes ever lay eyes on you.  Trust...deep down shes freaking out and hoping you will return the favor, because the last thing she needs is for her personal circle of friends and fam to know she is an escort.

I was once on a dinner date when a friend of mine came over to say hi.  I immediately took control of the conversation, totally played it off, told them they were witnessing history, I was on a first date with an incredible guy sooo...go away you're ruining the magic.  Laughs all around and my friend left.  No acting awkward and being weird, no introductions.  And no one was the wiser.  

Not only is it possible, thats kind of the whole point in seeing an escort who will be a professional.  My advice to you..do your research, if you have any doubts at all...follow your gut.  

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I know a few gents who live in small towns on the plains. They hobby in Denver. 😏

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2 hours ago, NicoleSaunders said:

I was once on a dinner date when a friend of mine came over to say hi.  I immediately took control of the conversation, totally played it off, told them they were witnessing history, I was on a first date with an incredible guy sooo...go away you're ruining the magic.  Laughs all around and my friend left.  No acting awkward and being weird, no introductions.  And no one was the wiser.  

Quick thinking! (At first I thought you meant it was a hobby client who came up to you while you were on a date with someone else. Which would have made him the stupidest client of all time, ever.)

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You are all awesome and I really appreciate your perspectives!   I want to say that I never intended to say anything bad about all the awesome ASPs out there and I'm confident that they would treat every encounter with the utmost professionalism.  If the opposite impression came across in anything I said, I apologize.  I'm fairly new to the hobby and often over analyze things and hearing your perspectives helps me a lot.

 

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23 hours ago, CountryGentleman said:

I understand most of the risks involved in participating in the hobby, but there's one I'm trying to wrap my head around and would love to hear other people's input.

I live in a smaller city of around 100K people, for 20 years.  I'm not a public figure but I know a lot of people and am in the forefront of a couple organizations that are large enough that there are several hundred people who know and recognize me that I wouldn't recognize.  Suffice it to say that the majority of the people I know do not share my views in this area and would not think it's a good thing if they found out I participate.  So far the fear of being discovered has kept me from visiting any of the local providers even though several of them sound beautiful and outstanding by their reviews.   I'd really like to have more accessible options than travelling an hour or more.   The two mian things that worry me are (1) that the provider knows me when I walk in, or (2) that they meet or already know someone that I know (or my family) and we end up at a gathering together.  Either of which could be a major problem for me.

I could be just too paranoid, but it seems like the risk is just too high.  

Any advice from the community?

I would think proper research would prevent you from walking in and realizing you know the provided in real life.  If you were to run into the lady later in real like, which does happen, I'd hope both you and her would have the good sense not to talk openly about the last time you were together.  But if you are uncomfortable hobbying in your area, like someone else said, just don't do it.  Driving to the big city is a small price to pay for peace of mind.

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I will echo what Nicole said. Sadly though, it's not always the case. I know several guys who will not Shit where they sleep, so to speak. If your gut it telling you no, go with that. Instincts are always right.

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2 minutes ago, pejo said:

Quick thinking! (At first I thought you meant it was a hobby client who came up to you while you were on a date with someone else. Which would have made him the stupidest client of all time, ever.)

I have actually heard of that happening. I would be so livid if that were to happen to me... If a guy tried to just insert himself into my personal life like that..whether Im with friends or standing in the middle of aisle 3 in the grocery store by myself, doesnt matter. I would not be pleased and that would be the end of us spending any time together.

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On ‎1‎/‎26‎/‎2017 at 3:16 PM, CountryGentleman said:

The two mian things that worry me are (1) that the provider knows me when I walk in, or (2) that they meet or already know someone that I know (or my family) and we end up at a gathering together.  Either of which could be a major problem for me.

I could be just too paranoid, but it seems like the risk is just too high.  

Any advice from the community?

The risk on this is exactly what you think it is.  If these are your deal killers, then you've already answered your own question.  

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1 hour ago, NicoleSaunders said:

I have actually heard of that happening. I would be so livid if that were to happen to me... If a guy tried to just insert himself into my personal life like that..whether Im with friends or standing in the middle of aisle 3 in the grocery store by myself, doesnt matter. I would not be pleased and that would be the end of us spending any time together.

I was at the DCPA with an escort not all that many years ago and some boob hopped on over the say "Hi (escort name)!"  Frosty wouldn't begin to describe it....

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Jeeze, you folks think you got it tough  -  I live and work in the DTC!  That is my small town where everyone knows me.  When I go to meet one of the DTC ladies I am as wary as a cat on eggshells.  (You might have noticed that I have championed downtown ladies.)

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As others have mentioned, even in the big city it can be awkward. I had a provider buy me a drink at a downtown Denver establishment, where I went to frequently. Gorgeous woman buying me, the troll, a drink: highly odd. And got everyone behind the bar asking "what's up with that"? Especially since she was there with her husband.

Go with the gut: hobby away from home or head down to Denver for the day.

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9 hours ago, NicoleSaunders said:

For a bit of perspective, our services are not just about time or what we do together, but also discretion...  A true professional (heck, a true human being) would not even flinch or say a thing if you happen to cross paths on a social level so compromise your privacy.  Not to mention, to say anything would be saying something of herself as well.  

So even if she knows you...even if you meet again in a social stetting among friends and family, she *should* smile, say "so nice to meet you!" if you are introduced, as if its the first time shes ever lay eyes on you.  Trust...deep down shes freaking out and hoping you will return the favor, because the last thing she needs is for her personal circle of friends and fam to know she is an escort.

I was once on a dinner date when a friend of mine came over to say hi.  I immediately took control of the conversation, totally played it off, told them they were witnessing history, I was on a first date with an incredible guy sooo...go away you're ruining the magic.  Laughs all around and my friend left.  No acting awkward and being weird, no introductions.  And no one was the wiser.  

Not only is it possible, thats kind of the whole point in seeing an escort who will be a professional.  My advice to you..do your research, if you have any doubts at all...follow your gut.  

VERY WELL SAID!  

thinking all of us who have been in this field for very long have come to practice our blank stares into space very well and with great skill. I don't see you out in public only when you choose to come and see me in private or we are on a date together (nobody around us matters, even if I know them). Yep, I don't know you at the grocery store, gym, park, post office, restaurant. I only know you when we are together for our date and scheduled time. 

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15 hours ago, NoCoGeezer said:

I had a provider buy me a drink at a downtown Denver establishment, where I went to frequently. Gorgeous woman buying me, the troll, a drink: highly odd. And got everyone behind the bar asking "what's up with that"? Especially since she was there with her husband.

I hate it when this happens to me too!  Makes me want to crawl in a hole somewhere.  Especially when they're with their husbands. 

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Hey OP - Jack White knows exactly how you feel (actually written by Bobby Bare, but Jack does it so well):

 

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On 1/26/2017 at 1:16 PM, CountryGentleman said:

I understand most of the risks involved in participating in the hobby, but there's one I'm trying to wrap my head around and would love to hear other people's input.

I live in a smaller city of around 100K people, for 20 years.  I'm not a public figure but I know a lot of people and am in the forefront of a couple organizations that are large enough that there are several hundred people who know and recognize me that I wouldn't recognize.  Suffice it to say that the majority of the people I know do not share my views in this area and would not think it's a good thing if they found out I participate.  So far the fear of being discovered has kept me from visiting any of the local providers even though several of them sound beautiful and outstanding by their reviews.   I'd really like to have more accessible options than travelling an hour or more.   The two mian things that worry me are (1) that the provider knows me when I walk in, or (2) that they meet or already know someone that I know (or my family) and we end up at a gathering together.  Either of which could be a major problem for me.

I could be just too paranoid, but it seems like the risk is just too high.  

Any advice from the community?

I understand not wanting to be sated and having to get dressed and drive an hour +.  What I would do is book a room a safe distance from your town and have them come to you. If you have chemistry  I would see them enough times to build trust and them talk about their or your location in your town. 

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