Posted November 7, 2016 Sex jokes aren't funny. I mean cum on people The joke literally can't be longer than 2 lines or I can't remember it or deliver it properly. I NEED to do better. 👻 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 17, 2016 Why is Santa always smiling? He knows where all the naughty girls live 😜 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 18, 2016 Why can't Mrs Clause have children?...Santa only cums once a year and that's down the chimney 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 18, 2016 3 hours ago, Studman said: Why can't Mrs Clause have children?...Santa only cums once a year and that's down the chimney And he has popcorn balls. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 8, 2017 A toast: Here's to the stork that brings cute babies. Here's the crow that brings ugly babies. And here's to the swallow that means no babies. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 8, 2017 Here's a rare print of Norman Rockwell's famous: "Cat Prevents House Fire". http://www.friendsofhabanos.com/forum/uploads/monthly_2016_07/rockwell.jpg.b9a4dd909c37eab4f2f515bcbf01a418.jpg 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 8, 2017 On 12/16/2016 at 4:21 PM, fishndude57 said: I like this version: 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 9, 2017 On 8/18/2016 at 5:54 PM, Melissa Sterling said: Read this in a playboy waaaay back in like 88.... What do vampires use as a t-bag? A tampon.........ewwwww! Lol EWW!. Should have saved that one for Halloween.. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 9, 2017 A biker walks into a store, pulls out his junk, flops it on the counter. The beautiful but stunned clerk says, " Sir, what are you doing, this is a clock shop" The biker says, "I know, I want you to put two hands and a face on it"! 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 14, 2017 One day God angrily appeared to Adam. "Adam, I KNOW what you and Eve have been doing and I'm upset. I was going to tell you about sex in good time, but YOU TWO jumped the gun. By the way, where is Eve?" "Eve is down on the Beach Lord, washing up in the Ocean" replied Adam. God exclaims " Oh no! Now we will never get that smell out of the fish!!" 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 14, 2017 To avoid missing your flight, never travel with gay men and always travel with lesbians. Gay men are forever packing their shit, but lesbians go lickety-split. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 7, 2017 (edited) Lucy had retweeted this awhile ago. I keep on a tab on my iPad to brighten my days. Thanks Lucy https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/62u56w/cats_dont_always_make_the_best_dogs/ Edited May 7, 2017 by fishndude57 Forgot to thank Lucy 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 7, 2017 Sorry. It's all I got. Pretty sure I'm getting a demerit. Enjoy it while it lasts. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 21, 2017 Little Johnny comes home from school. His mother asks, "What did you do in school today?" Johnny: We had Show and Tell and we had to tell about someone we love. So I told them about you. Mother: How sweet! So, what did you tell them about me? Johnny: I told them you're blond, with blue eyes, you're 5 feet 4 inches tall, you were born on July 1, 1990 and you weigh 135 pounds. Mother: I never told you any of that before. How did you know all of that? Johnny: I sneaked into your purse and looked at your drivers license. Oh, and I also told everyone why you and daddy fight all of the time. Mother: And how would you know that? Johnny: Because you got an "F" in SEX. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 22, 2017 I heard this one in the radio the this morning: A young lady goes into see her doctor and says she has some mysterious green spots in the inside of her thighs. Her doctor looks at the spots, says he no clue what could cause but that he will run some tests and tells her to.come back next week after the results are in. He tells her that I the meantime, maybe the spots will go away in their own. She comes back in the following week very scared and tells the doctor the spots won't go away. The doctor sits her her down and tells her that the tests all come back negative and that there is nothing medically wrong. She asks him what be causing the green spots. He stops and thinks for a moment and then asks her if her boyfriend wears earrings. She replies yes. The doctor then says "Tell him his earrings are not made of gold". 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 2, 2017 Got this from a Lady in my email: 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 3, 2017 This really hot chick walks up to the bartender, and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?" He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..." Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss." She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he begins sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!" She goes, "Can you tell the manager something for me?" The bartender nods...yes. "Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom." 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 3, 2017 Would it reveal too much about me if I admitted that if I was the bartender I would consider this to be a really great moment? 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 4, 2017 Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!" Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally, the guy interrupts. "Go home, dad, you're drunk. 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 4, 2017 An elderly couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?” Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you on three occasions during these 50 years, but always for a good reason. Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?' Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?” Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?" Martha asked, "Do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge" "I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time" "All right," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 53 more votes?” 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 5, 2017 This is by far my favorite thread. 😂 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 5, 2017 2 hours ago, Cecilia said: This is by far my favorite thread. 😂 I had the best time last night reading the entire thread. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 5, 2017 It's almost a year old and going strong. Our little obscene baby is nearly 1 😎 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 6, 2017 Saw this on a Ladies Twitter Page: 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 6, 2017 13 minutes ago, fishndude57 said: Saw this on a Ladies Twitter Page: "It will be located about 3 inches above the bunghole..." So that's my problem. All this time I've been looking for it on women, when I should have been inspecting barrels. 😝 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 6, 2017 8 minutes ago, Bit Banger said: "It will be located about 3 inches above the bunghole..." So that's my problem. All this time I've been looking for it on women, when I should have been inspecting barrels. 😝 LOL, and on the small of the back, crap, I'm really in trouble, back to clit hunting 101 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 7, 2017 This thread soooo needs to survive. It's all I read anymore: Only in This Stupid World ... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in This Stupid World ... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and wash it down with a diet Coke. Only in This Stupid World ... do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Only in This Stupid World ... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Only in This Stupid World ... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Only in This Stupid World ... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. EVER WONDER ... Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word? Why is it that Doctors call what they do 'practice'? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all of your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? Why don't they make dog & cat food the same color as your carpet? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 11, 2017 What is the difference between a New York City Stud and a Texas Stud? A New York City Stud will see a hot girl, walk right up to her and stick it in. A Texas Stud will see a hot girl, stick it in, and walk right up to her 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 11, 2017 "I'm sorry miss, participating in gang bangs isn't what we meant when we asked if you were a team player..." 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
