Posted August 18, 2016 OK, time to lighten it up. I bet you all know a few really nasty, disgusting, sexist jokes, that exhibit misogeny and man-hating. Why keep them to yourself, let's share. I'll start: Man hating: Why do executives wear neckties? To keep the foreskin pulled down. Misogenistic: Why is a woman's vagina and anus so close together? So if she gets drunk at a party you can carry her home like a six-pack. The gauntlet is down! Whatta ya got? 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 18, 2016 Category 1) Why is piss yellow and semen white? Without the difference, men couldn't tell if they were coming or going. Category 2) Why do they call it "Pre-Menstrual Syndrome"??? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 18, 2016 What's the difference between a Savings Bond and the typical male?At some point, the Savings Bond matures What does eating pussy and the mafia both have in common?? One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 18, 2016 Read this in a playboy waaaay back in like 88.... What do vampires use as a t-bag? A tampon.........ewwwww! Lol 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 19, 2016 A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this... 'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.' She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away." So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?" Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?" 9 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 19, 2016 (edited) A man is driving down a country road and comes across a farmers fruit stand. He sees a sign saying apples $5 to $50, this intrigues him so he stops, thinking never have tasted a $50 apple before. The farmer comes up to him and says I have a peanut butter and jelly tasting apple for $5, guy pays for the apple and takes abite, it tastes just like peanut butter. The farmer tells him to turn it around and take a bite, he does, and it tastes just like jelly. The man tells the farmer really good tasting apple. The farmer tells the man I have a ham and cheese tasting apple for $10, the man pays the $10 and takes a bite, it tastes just like ham, good apple theman says, farmer say turn it around. The man takes a bite and it tastes just like cheese. The farmer tells the man I have a special apple for $50, it tastes just likepussy, the man pays the $50 and takes a huge bite out of it, the man spits it out and tells the farmer, this apple tastes like shit, the farmer tells him to turn it around . Edited August 19, 2016 by geecue2 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 19, 2016 I don't like to demonize men, it's unfair to demons. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 19, 2016 A little boy went to a whore house and asked to buy a girl for the night but first he asked if any of them had a disease. the woman behind the counter replied no and he said, thats bullshit my dad said amber has herpes. she said I guess thats true. he said well then good I'll take her. last door on the right she replied. the boy went to the room and amber said,.why do you want me? the boy said because then I'll get herpes and I'll have sex with my babysitter because she likes little boys my dad will take her home and fuck her then he'll get herpes then he'll fuck my mom and she'll get herpes then she'll fuck the mail man and he'll get herpes and hes the one who ran over my dog! 5 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 19, 2016 This is groooosss! But hilarious! There was a couple who fell in love. The woman was an 89 year old Virgin, and the man was a widower. On their wedding night the wife was quite eager to see what she had been missing all these years. She turned off the lights and crawled into bed. Her husband decided to go down on her. He then came up and said, no,, no hunny we are gonna have to get you checked out first. There's something very wrong down there. Embarrassed, the wife rolled over and went to sleep. The next day they went to the dr. As he was doing his exam, he had to hold his breath and then said....AH HA! well the problem is.... Your cherry's rotten, any you have fruit flies. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 19, 2016 All Characters are Fictional… MyLisa kisses her hubby Bite and wishes him Good Luck on his first day in his new business. You see Bite has just opened up his 1st adult novelty store. He is eager with anticipation. As the hours grow on, there are many looksee loos but no sales. Finally… …A new seemingly eager customer by the name of Soberina enters the store, explains that she really is into self-satisfaction. Bite’s excited, salesmanship skills are sharp! He shows Soberina the Pocket Rocket, explaining his good friend Laki Peruvian, really enjoys this little powerful vibrator. He shows her and explains the benefits of the Velvet touch vibe, great for insertion. He thinks he has her on the Bodywand Aqua, powerful and waterproof, women love it, even in the shower or bath. No go, Bite’s getting discouraged thinking I gotta make my 1st sale. Finally Soberina eyes absolutely light up as she points to the shelf behind Bite, “How much is that green and silver toy?” she asks… …Bite arrives home in a splendid mood. MyLisa greets him and asks, “So how did it go?” Bite explains it was kinda rough. Didn’t sell a single novelty, but some lady bought my thermos for $300… 5 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 20, 2016 What is the difference between a frog and a fag? The frog says ribbit ribbit The fag says rub it rub it 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 20, 2016 I heard this off of 103.5 There was a man that wanted to go out dancing but he needed a new pair of dancing shoes. He decided to go shopping and in the storefront window he seen a brand new pair of shiny Gucci shoes. He got dressed and went to the bar where he seen his first lady that he would like to dance with. He went up to the lady and ask her to dance they start dancing and he looks down and looks back up at her and says damn woman you got some red panties on don't you! She smacked him And asked, how do you know that? He says by the shine on my new Gucci shoes! He seen a second lady he wanted to dance with he asked her to dance and of course he looked down. He looked back up at her and said damn woman you got some white panties on don't you. She smacked him, and asked how do you know that? He says by the shine on my new Gucci shoes! Some time goes by and he sees a fine lady walk through the door. He asks her to dance. They start dancing and of course he looks down. He looks at her and asked do you have panties on? She smacked him and said, how did you know that I'm not wearing no panties? He says whew thank God I thought I had a crack in my new Gucci shoes! 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 20, 2016 (edited) Mommy had a son named Harder Harder had a naughty baby sitter The babysitter arrived so mommy could go to work. The naughty babysitter offered Harder a cookie to take his shirt and pants off. Harder took his shirt and pants off for the cookie. The naughty babysitter offered Harder two cookies to take off his underwear. Harder took off his underwear for those two cookies. The naughty babysitter offered Harder 3 cookies to get on top of her. Harder got on top for those 3 cookies. Harders mom came back through the door and screamed HARDER! Harder yelled back, I'm going as Hard as I can Mommy! Edited August 20, 2016 by Kandi Apple Spelling 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 21, 2016 Did you hear about the man with five penis's? His pants fit like a glove! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 21, 2016 http://www.whydontyoutrythis.com/2015/12/man-caught-naked-women-bathing-in-his-pond-his-reaction-brilliant.html 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 7, 2016 Skinny jeans are so hot I love seeing your camel toe Bro *(I plagiarized this offa twitter, cracked me up tho.) 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 14, 2016 A young lady graduates from college and receives a trip to Europe as a present from her parents. She finishes her trip in Paris and begins to wonder about the reputation that French men have as lovers. She is sitting at an outdoor café and decides to find out if the stories are true. After picking up a young man, the conversation turns to sex. The young man says he will kiss her on zee lips. No big deal she replies, I’ve been kissed there before. I will kiss you on zee breasts, he says further. No big deal she replies, I’ve been kissed there before too. I will kiss you on zee belly button, he goes on. No big deal she replies, I’ve been kissed there before. Aah, he says, but not from zee inside. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 28, 2016 This isn't sexist exactly, but it's nasty: How do New Zealanders practice safe sex? They spray paint red X's on the backs of the sheep that kick. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 28, 2016 A man enters a clock shop and puts his cock on the counter the young lady comes over and says sheepishly "I'm sorry sir, this is a clock shop, not a cock shop!" he smiled and said "well, can you put two hands and a face on this?!?" 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 30, 2016 (edited) Forwarded email to me from a lady on the forum... FISHING VERSUS SEX #19 - No matter how much whiskey you've had, you can still Fish. #18 - You don't have to hide your Fishing magazines. #17 - It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with you once in a while. #16 - The Ten Commandments don't say anything against Fishing. #15 - If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing, you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous. #14 - Your Fishing partner doesn't get upset about people you fished with long ago. #13 - It's perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger. #12 - When you see a really good Fishing person, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together. #11 - If your regular Fishing partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you Fish with someone else. #10 - Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish by yourself. #9 - When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop. #8 - You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighbor-hood to buy Fishing stuff. #7 - You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without getting sued for Fishing harassment. #6 - There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases. #5 - If you want to watch Fishing on television, it does not cost extra, like when you have to subscribe to the Playboy channel. #4 - Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest of your life. #3 - Nobody expects you to give up Fishing, if your partner loses interest in it. #2 - You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to enjoy your favorite activity. #1 - Your Fishing partner will never say, "Not again? We just Fished last month! Is Fishing all you ever think about. Edited September 30, 2016 by fishndude57 Change Font Sz 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 30, 2016 A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?" she asks. He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires. He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food." Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy porterhouse steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken, or tasty stir fry?" He declines again. "Nah, still not hungry." "Well," she said, "would you mind letting me up? I'm starving." 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 30, 2016 “A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves. The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says. "For what?" The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute." The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money." The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda. Look it up." She is about to protest when the panda hands her the dictionary. The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary, and it reads, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves.” 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 21, 2016 What did the banana say to the vibrator. banana says why are you shaking? vibrator says because she's gonna eat me! 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 30, 2016 http://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nfl/twitter-erupts-after-fan-throws-nsfw-object-onto-field-during-pats-bills-game/ar-AAjCyEV?li=BBnba9I&ocid=iehp 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 7, 2016 There once was a congressman named Weiner, who had a perverted demeanor. He was forced from the hill for acting like Bill, now Congress is one weiner leaner. Moral: You tweet your meat, you lose your seat. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
