Your worst hobby date?

[BabyDallass]

I want to hear yalls horror stories! My absolute worst date was when I showed up and he was dressed as a woman! & he wanted to be the one in control! I was like hold on little bitch....lol, Yea it was something else! 

 

Whats yours? 

[Guest]

Lmao, that is hysterical

[crazyb]

My worst was going to visit a girl and getting yelled at three seperate times before I even reached her incall.   That was all I needed to let me know that girl was not worth seeing. 

[Guest]

I have you all beat.  This may test the new board's limits on class and propriety, but the topic IS my horror story.

Several years ago I had a doubles session.  Took both ladies out to dinner first.  And its true:  in public, ladies always need company to visit the rest room.

So back at the hotel, the festivities start.  Lady 1 is down below, attending to junior, while lady 2 is enthusiastically enjoying a mustache ride. All of a sudden, my mouth is full of little bits of wadded up toilet paper.  

Before I reveal my solution to this dilemma, what is the proper hobby ettiquette for this indelicate situation?

Edited August 31, 2015 by Laplace
proper punctuation

[Guest]

I have you all beat.  This may test the new board's limits on class and propriety, but the topic IS my horror story.

Several years ago I had a doubles session.  Took both ladies out to dinner first.  And its true:  in public, ladies always need company to visit the rest room.

So back at the hotel, the festivities start.  Lady 1 is down below, attending to junior, while lady 2 is enthusiastically enjoying a mustache ride. All of a sudden, my mouth is full of little bits of wadded up toilet paper.  

Before I reveal my solution to this dilemma, what is the proper hobby ettiquette for this indelicate situation?

I literally screamed when I read this!! 

I think you may beat me since I had to cut my tongue ring out of some guy's butt hair. 

[Juanmotai]

I literally screamed when I read this!! 

I think you may beat me since I had to cut my tongue ring out of some guy's butt hair. 

OH MY GOD👿

[Guest]

The one where the client showed up tweaked out of his mind, then mentioned he had brought along forbidden substances in his briefcase. Then he rambled on about the provider who supplied him with said substances. Needless to say he was booted. Not cool at all. On the other hand I did learn which providers I would/will never work with in any shape or form thanks to his big mouth.

I did have a client, or two, or three who liked me to dress them as a woman and apply make-up etc. In my experience, it tends to be men who have extreme amounts of power that like to switch it up behind closed doors and become more submissive. I have no problem with that

[Keyser]

My worst was going to visit a girl and getting yelled at three seperate times before I even reached her incall.   That was all I needed to let me know that girl was not worth seeing. 

Sounds familiar, I probably know who you're talking about...

[BabyDallass]

I might yell at you too, but it would be in a good way   & It would be in the bedroom not over the phone lol 

[gimehead]

Oh, you mean like the time I came hard and loud, and she started laughing hysterically?

Or the time the lady showed up 6 hours late at my hotel room (2 AM) with all of her belongings in two shopping bags?

Or the time she asked to use my bathroom and wouldn't come out for three (3) hours?

No, I think you are asking for HORROR. So I visited a goth, skinny, pierced, painted lady in a sleazy hotel room. Tats don't bother me -- you can't see them with the lights out. But the overall persona had me on edge. Run away? No, not me. I like to gawk at traffic accidents and train wrecks. 

At her request, I put the donation on the dresser. Then we went straight to the bed for some wild times. When I went to clean up, the donation was gone from the dresser. Now I was REALLY scared. I actually thought of grabbing my clothes and dashing out into the hallway buck naked.

[gimehead]

All of a sudden, my mouth is full of little bits of wadded up toilet paper.  

What is the proper hobby ettiquette for this indelicate situation?

Well, I can think of several alternatives:

1. Push Lady 2 back a little and shoot the spit balls at her. 
2. Scream: "I can't stand Charmin!!!"
3. Swallow hard -- after all, that's we'd like them to do.
4. Tell Lady 2 that she was naughty, needs a Time Out, and should go to her room.
5. Be a gentleman and replace the wads where they came from.
6. Make sure that you are licking the correct orifice.

Enough, I can't stand it! What did you do?

[Guest]

 

Enough, I can't stand it! What did you do?

Well, I must confess that I very briefly considered returning the lady's property via DFK.  However, I requested a position rotation, and surreptitiously deposited the foreign matter on the bed sheets as I turned my head.  I like your suggestion #2, though.  LOL

 

In all truth, the lady was a true professional, and her hygiene was always perfect. I suspect she would have been horrified if I had mentioned it.  Why spoil the mood?  The rest of the session was great.

 

Whenever possible, take the high road.

Edited August 31, 2015 by Laplace
grammar

[wglide2003]

I thought I have had some unpleasant moments, Like a lady shoving a condom in my face so that I can read the brand and expiration date.

You others have me beat and now I consider myself very lucky.

[Happymon]

I tend to enjoy longer sessions, do careful research on compatibility and tend to stick with a few "regulars" at any one time.  I like companionship and fantasy and view sex as a form of conversation and expression.  Any disappointments I may have are usually a result of my own short-cuts. However, I have made major mistakes. I know I'm in for a long and usually uncomfortable session when the provider talks on and on and on (and on; AND ON!!) about this, that or the other. Boyfriends, S.O's, your myriad of physical ailments and the color of your dog's poop are major buzz-kills. Fortunately, I can count the instances of this  on three fingers.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

[BabyDallass]

I tend to enjoy longer sessions, do careful research on compatibility and tend to stick with a few "regulars" at any one time.  I like companionship and fantasy and view sex as a form of conversation and expression.  Any disappointments I may have are usually a result of my own short-cuts. However, I have made major mistakes. I know I'm in for a long and usually uncomfortable session when the provider talks on and on and on (and on; AND ON!!) about this, that or the other. Boyfriends, S.O's, your myriad of physical ailments and the color of your dog's poop are major buzz-kills. Fortunately, I can count the instances of this  on three fingers.    

 

 

lol oh no ewwww not dog poop...

 

 

 

[Just Jos]

The appointment where he wanted me to act as if I was a were young BOY. His requests once he arrived were to "put my hair in a baseball cap, baggy loose 'boyish clothes', and no makeup" I can't give the details of the appointment here as it could be considered an infraction but needless to say, it was creeppppyyyyy. 👎🏽 

i have been truly lucky to not have worse horror stories. After reading some of yours- mine seems wholesome. Hahaha. So far, I think Justina takes the cake! Lol 

[cdyson]

Here's an experience from one of my old reviews. I've had more than my share of crazy in the meantime but this is still the worst and I'm embarrassed just recalling it.

I met this one girl for a "sensual massage" a few years back. She brought me up to her place which was decorated in the same vein as the apartments you'll see on Cops. But she had a real massage table! Unfortunately that was the most professional thing about this girl.

On that professional massage table were exactly zero linens. It's okay, though. Laying naked on vinyl in january isn't nearly so bad as it sounds. And it beats being on the couch, which was covered with dirty clothes.

I tried to break the ice with a little conversation. I like to feel comfortable considering she was about to get to know my most private parts. To her credit she kept up for about five minutes. After that I had a hard time concentrating. The cold splash of lotion that she initially applied had dried and yet she continued her "massage" determinedly. She did her work without the benefit of lubricant. For 20 minutes. As for technique - well she has a unique approach. Using one hand only, for example. She used that hand effectively, though, tracing a single circular track around my back with her fist. Not particularly hard and not particularly soft. And not particularly doing a damned thing for my sore muscles.

After her one hand got tired she reached down onto the floor and grabbed one of those wooden happy massagers and proceeded to roll it across my back. Sensual. There was no body contact, no caressing, and no enthusiasm, feigned or otherwise. This was definitely a "partial body" massage because it consisted of my back, my chest, and the occasional foray onto my thighs. Thankfully she worked those with such care that I honestly didn't want her going anywhere else. When I flipped onto my back I was thinking "okay, now finally maybe we can get on with this." But no. She wanted to work my chest. Which she did, with the same technique one uses to scrub the kitchen counters. Over and over.

After an achingly long time (I'm passive-aggressive) she got down to business. With much relief I saw her reach for the bottle of lotion. I don't think I could have taken a dry ending. And after seeing her teeth I sure wasn't going to ask for any foreign languages. Spasmodic hand motions would be just fine, thank you.

And boy, did she work The Honorable Mr. Johnson. She beat him like a naughty four-year-old. Which is to say with kindness, love, and... oh hell I can't even pretend. My first high-school girlfriend knew more about how to treat a man's paraphernalia than this girl. I used to think it was a joke when people said that a man's penis has a brain. But now I know it does because mine wanted out of that situation ASAP. Somehow I actually finished in two minutes and without a complete erection. I'm still amazed. And lucky, because I don't think she was going back to the bottle for a refresh of lotion. To her credit she did clean me up. With a towel she picked up off of the floor. I kid you not.

 

[Juanmotai]

My introduction to this hobby. The first provider I ever tried seeing and I've tried really hard to get that experience out of my mind. It was so bad that I had to go and try again that very same day. There was no way in hell I could make that horrible a choice 2 times in a row. Alas, it was so horrible it's forever burned into memory

[Guest]

Maybe not my worst but my first is the most memorable. Just moved to Colorado and was feeling lost. I knew nothing of the business but somehow stumbled on BP late one night. Called a girl who looked nice and booked an hour appointment at about 2am. I had no idea what to expect. Met the lady at her hotel, she was gorgeous. She told me to get comfortable so I sat down on a chair while she stripped down to her bra and panties and laid seductively on the bed. I sat in that chair for 45 minutes until she told me "you know we can have sex, right?" I answered "ok, maybe next time" and then we kissed like teenagers for 15 minutes. I saw her regularly for two years after that. There were times she'd bring up our first meeting and say "you were hilarious sitting in that chair. If only I hadn't mentioned we could have sex." 

Edited September 2, 2015 by If6Was9
grammer

[Guest]

I literally screamed when I read this!! 

I think you may beat me since I had to cut my tongue ring out of some guy's butt hair. 

[oldertruckguy-9225]

 In Early 1981 I arranged an outcall appointment at my house with a lady I had played with twice before, in hotel rooms, and we seemed to really click. We even had lunch several times totally outside the hobby scene and just thoroughly enjoyed each others company. She "treated" me on my birthday.

I was out of the state due to job obligations for 3 months after our last appointment  and upon returning I was anxious to see her again. I called her, she enthusiastically agreed to see me, and we set the appointment. 

She arrived right on time and I opened the door to find her and....her 'husband' standing there. He quickly steps in and informs me that the only way she keeps the appointment is if he stays to watch. Things were just a bit intense for a few moments as I objected and told him that was not how I wanted to play. He then demanded a $30.00 cancellation fee, remember this is 1981, and things got really loud when I informed him of what he could do with the idea of a cancellation fee. They finally left after causing huge scene in my front yard and driveway. Worst of all, she cried the entire time.

 

[rhood]

Maybe not my worst but my first is the most memorable. Just moved to Colorado and was feeling lost. I knew nothing of the business but somehow stumbled on BP late one night. Called a girl who looked nice and booked an hour appointment at about 2am. I had no idea what to expect. Met the lady at her hotel, she was gorgeous. She told me to get comfortable so I sat down on a chair while she stripped down to her bra and panties and laid seductively on the bed. I sat in that chair for 45 minutes until she told me "you know we can have sex, right?" I answered "ok, maybe next time" and then we kissed like teenagers for 15 minutes. I saw her regularly for two years after that. There were times she'd bring up our first meeting and say "you were hilarious sitting in that chair. If only I hadn't mentioned we could have sex." 

That's the funniest thing I have read on this subject! What the heck did you do for 45 minutes in that chair? Awesome!

[Juanmotai]

That's the funniest thing I have read on this subject! What the heck did you do for 45 minutes in that chair? Awesome!

I am not so sure we really want to k ow what he did in that chair.. Lol

[rhood]

I am not so sure we really want to k ow what he did in that chair.. Lol

I picture the scene from Fast Times when Ratnor and the blonde are out to dinner and they are sitting in those big chairs waiting for hours for that one dude to bring him his wallet.. Sorry man...don't mean to poke fun. Just makes me laugh.

 

[Juanmotai]

I picture the scene from Fast Times when Ratnor and the blonde are out to dinner and they are sitting in those big chairs waiting for hours for that one dude to bring him his wallet.. Sorry man...don't mean to poke fun. Just makes me laugh.

 

that is funny dude 

[mtnman2000]

I used to work for a big accounting firm as a junior accountant.  My senior manager and partner were bragging about the ladies they were going to get in Vegas and if I was interested.  My bosses were the kind of guys who are locked in the basements of accounting firms in today's world.  They were actually promoted for knowing the tax code so well, as opposed to bringing in clients, relating to their common man etc...They were nerds through and through.  No two bigger nerds ever in an industry of nerds.  Me?  Not so much.  I played college ball and was supposed to balance the team because I could handle normal conversation with strangers.

Back then, I was in my early 20s and the thought of getting a prostitute was laughable.  Why would I pay for it?  I was already getting laid mostly when I wanted.  Anyhow, I flew into Vegas for our next audit and I had a dozen paper messages at the hotel, each more urgently, requesting me to go to their room.  I remember thinking how weird it was that they were in the same room.

I arrive and their idea of "paying some girls" wasn't what I thought.  They hired strippers and were in folding chairs next to each other jerking off.  I kind of stumbled backwards towards the door and wished I could unsee what I had seen.

[Guest]

I picture the scene from Fast Times when Ratnor and the blonde are out to dinner and they are sitting in those big chairs waiting for hours for that one dude to bring him his wallet.. Sorry man...don't mean to poke fun. Just makes me laugh.

 

The Ratnor reference isn't far off. As for what I did in the chair for 45mins, I never took off my overcoat, just talked nervously. It wasn't like she didn't hint about sex during that time. I guess I finally wore her down to the point where sex was preferable to my conversation. I was pretty smooth.

[Madison Monroe-6320]

I thought I had seen some weird s*** working in California but y'all Colorado guys are weird as hell JK

 

I had a guy who had a foot fetish....

 

Cool no biggie. Either he wants to finish on my feet suck on my toes something right?

 

I wish that was the case....

Nope he wanted me to stick my foot in his ass 

Edited September 4, 2015 by Madison Monroe-6320

[Guest]

Oohoohooh! I got a better one than my first reply, can't believe I forgot about this.  So this happened in Austin around New Years this year:

 

Got an outcall to a hotel in Round Rock (cop country, btw)and was to meet a guy who passed screening, in the hotel bar where I'd find him in a blue shirt and jeans. I arrive,.saunter up to the guy sitting at the bar eyeing me knowingly, and proceeded to have the most painfully awkward conversation EVER. He was a complete social nitwit and I was dreading the supposed happenings coming up. We head up to his room some time later,.only for him to tell me he don't know it was a paid service once we were up there. I excused myself to the bathroom before I was peacing the hell out. Once in the bathroom, I pulled out my phone and found a string of frantic texts from the number of the guy I was supposed to meet there, explaining that he had actually.ridden the elevator up with me and weirdo, but that I was with the WRONG MAN. I called bullshit and dialed the number, expecting to hear the weirdos phone ring...and It didn't. Some other guy answered

 FUCK. 

I was like OMGOMGOMG What is my life becoming?! This guy is f-ing weird! If you're still interested then I'm out of here so what's the room you're in?!

Fortunately,  he gave me the room number, I was able to bolt (leaving a very confused man who looked like Tony Shalhoub with no explanation on wtf just took place), and had my intended encounter 2 floors up. So...as crazy as this may sound...it turned out okay. Phew.

 

[Guest]

Oohoohooh! I got a better one than my first reply, can't believe I forgot about this.  So this happened in Austin around New Years this year:

 

Got an outcall to a hotel in Round Rock (cop country, btw)and was to meet a guy who passed screening, in the hotel bar where I'd find him in a blue shirt and jeans. I arrive,.saunter up to the guy sitting at the bar eyeing me knowingly, and proceeded to have the most painfully awkward conversation EVER. He was a complete social nitwit and I was dreading the supposed happenings coming up. We head up to his room some time later,.only for him to tell me he don't know it was a paid service once we were up there. I excused myself to the bathroom before I was peacing the hell out. Once in the bathroom, I pulled out my phone and found a string of frantic texts from the number of the guy I was supposed to meet there, explaining that he had actually.ridden the elevator up with me and weirdo, but that I was with the WRONG MAN. I called bullshit and dialed the number, expecting to hear the weirdos phone ring...and It didn't. Some other guy answered

 FUCK. 

I was like OMGOMGOMG What is my life becoming?! This guy is f-ing weird! If you're still interested then I'm out of here so what's the room you're in?!

Fortunately,  he gave me the room number, I was able to bolt (leaving a very confused man who looked like Tony Shalhoub with no explanation on wtf just took place), and had my intended encounter 2 floors up. So...as crazy as this may sound...it turned out okay. Phew.

 

Funny story.  I've always wondered about a first meeting in a public place, and how I would stand out.  You want to be different.  But not crazy different.