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Jade Lotus

Junk Food Initmacy

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Junk food intimacy a term I've been coining for the modern day hook up in our porn driven society. As we face an era of highly independent singles in a society where divorce rates make clear that marriage may be becoming a thing of the past. Despite the awareness that life time partnership is becoming ever more challenging, we all still crave some aspect of intimacy.

The question that comes up is how do we embrace or avoid the quick fix and often regrettable urge to delve into "junk food intimacy." To be clear this is the type of interaction that at first is highly enticing, exciting, and perhaps even promising. You may think...Ahhh yes...mmmm this is awesome...this is juicy...this is delicious. Whether this be your first taste of "junk food intimacy" or a common go to...or intimacy binge, the consequences can often feel like a regrettable food comma. It's like you know you shouldn't eat that candy bar, you know that it will be super sweet and tasty while consuming it, & at the time you throw all knowingness aside and down that tasty bit. Then the onset of the sugar rush sets in, and for a few hours you float on this high. As the hours pass your blood sugar surges then drops...leaving you tired and craving more...then the bloating or self judgement comes in. I was doing so good...why did i eat that damn candy bar...now I feel like crap, I want more even though it doesn't feel right in my body,my heart, my spirit, etc.

What I've come to realize that we often do this with relationships. We settle on the quick fix when what we really desired was the whole meal deal. Desiring a nutritious, sustainable, filling, self loving choice vs the same old fake processed crap.

Planting this seed...I'll stop there and ask you...How many junk food interactions have you experienced in your life? And what is it about those interactions that trick you in to thinking they are going to fulfill your true intimacy needs?

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I like that analogy, it works well. I think we go after the "junk food intimacy" for the same reason we eat the actual junk food, because we think it will be filling and that ideally it should hold us over until we find our next "meal".

The intimacy beast is always hungry and when it's starving will take anything. When we get really hungry and know that what we really want is unavailable we settle, we take what we can get so we can feel that sugar rush at least momentarily. If the choice is between the junk food intimacy and none I will always pick the junk food. I like feeding the beast and have a huge need for intimacy in personal relationships regardless of what direction they may be taking.

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Very interesting first post.

I don't see the hobby as a junk food substitute for real intimacy. It's not intimacy at all. I see it as a vast improvement over masturbation. So instead of "junk food intimacy" I would call it "haute masturbation".

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Very interesting first post.

I don't see the hobby as a junk food substitute for real intimacy. It's not intimacy at all. I see it as a vast improvement over masturbation. So instead of "junk food intimacy" I would call it "haute masturbation".

C'mon, we know you like sticking a fork in some junk food. word on the street says your favorites are Cup Cakes & HO HOs. :D

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I don't know if I'm supposed to be hungry or horny.

I think I'm both.

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Very interesting first post.

I don't see the hobby as a junk food substitute for real intimacy. It's not intimacy at all. I see it as a vast improvement over masturbation. So instead of "junk food intimacy" I would call it "haute masturbation".

I agree. There is no substitute for sex with someone with whom you are WAY INTO, or someone you love with all your heart. This hobby is exactly as fork describes. It is better than a date with Rosey Palms. It is a "fake" intimacy that serves as a substitute for real intimacy.

To use your analogy, it's the difference between real, prepared food with seasonal ingredients and junk food. I'd rather have what I signed up for -- wonderful, fulfilling sex with my wife -- something we had for the first decade. But while she is still the love of my life in so many ways, it's not the "sex way" and thus I am here. I get the substitute, which is better than nothing at all.

To answer your question, I NEVER had tawdry trysts with women UNTIL I reached the end of my rope. And certainly now I'm not "tricked" into thinking they are going to fulfill my intimacy needs. The hobby fulfills my need for pleasure and yes, closeness, but it's ultimately hollow when you lay down the envelope and realize she would never touch you but for the contents of said envelope. Again, the charade is better than nothing.

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I've been preaching the gospel of "junk food sex" for decades.

Banging a hooker is a quick fix, comparable to driving up to McD's and ordering a couple of quarter pounders.

It fills you up fast and satiates the urgent need, but leaves you with a stale taste afterwards.

Nobody in their right mind is going to confuse screwing a working girl (McD's) with love and intimacy (ordering a nice meal at a nice restaurant).

Hookers provide a "fast food service" to those who need it. Nothing wrong with that.

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I agree. There is no substitute for sex with someone with whom you are WAY INTO, or someone you love with all your heart. This hobby is exactly as fork describes. It is better than a date with Rosey Palms. It is a "fake" intimacy that serves as a substitute for real intimacy.

To use your analogy, it's the difference between real, prepared food with seasonal ingredients and junk food. I'd rather have what I signed up for -- wonderful, fulfilling sex with my wife -- something we had for the first decade. But while she is still the love of my life in so many ways, it's not the "sex way" and thus I am here. I get the substitute, which is better than nothing at all.

To answer your question, I NEVER had tawdry trysts with women UNTIL I reached the end of my rope. And certainly now I'm not "tricked" into thinking they are going to fulfill my intimacy needs. The hobby fulfills my need for pleasure and yes, closeness, but it's ultimately hollow when you lay down the envelope and realize she would never touch you but for the contents of said envelope. Again, the charade is better than nothing.

This.

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Junk food intimacy a term I've been coining for the modern day hook up in our porn driven society

You've really nailed it Jade....Junk Food Lifestyles!

I can readily admit to binging on a multitude of people, places and things over the course of my life - all in a futile attempt to avoid having to be with myself.

Cigarettes, alcohol, [snip}, food, porn, sex, work, exercise - at some point, they have all provided temporary release from a general feeling of dis-ease when I am alone, stationary, and in myself. I'm so grateful to have crossed paths with loving family, friends, and partners who have actually been comfortable and happy to hang out with me, even when I am not....

I think that's what we're all really looking for - someone to say it's okay to be who we are, warts and all. Someone who won't run away screaming even after we have convinced ourselves that our core/pain is just too fucked up and ugly for anyone to choose to be with.

Great OP - thanks for dropping it in here! Flush that shit out and get it published! I'll buy a copy!

Edited by boink36
Forbidden topic removed.
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Great OP - thanks for dropping it in here! Flush that shit out and get it published! I'll buy a copy!

+1!!

This is a FANTASTIC analogy! I now have a hankering for some HoHo's.

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It is a good analogy but I would like to think of it as a need, like food. We need to eat to stay alive, and I think we need human interaction for the same reason. Be it sex, conversation, cuddling, massage, whatever. I have often said that sex is the cure to all evils....at least temporarily. Think about it, if you're having a bad day, sex makes it better. Having a good day, sex makes it even better. Perhaps it is not as good as exercise or salads but it is biologically needed. We crave touch. As to the morals of it....that is not up to me to judge. I have saved many a marriage by providing the services I do. I have seen many men who love their wives very much, they just lack the intimacy and touch. I have seen couples who either share the fantasy or want to be a part of it to understand their spouse better. Either way, they are very grateful for the service. That to me is not junk food, but more like vitamins.

I understand there are bad things to the business, but like all aspects of life there are bad things and bad habits.

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I don't know about all this fancy talk we got goin' on here.

I just want a BJ and a sandwich.

Is that wrong?

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I don't know about all this fancy talk we got goin' on here.

I just want a BJ and a sandwich.

Is that wrong?

It's not wrong, but are you getting the fulfilling sense of true intimacy that you obviously crave? After all, the BJ is merely a metaphor for the physical closeness that you subconsciously lack. The sandwich is a metaphor for the loving relationship that lies hidden in your heart, much like the meat and cheese within the slices of bread. :)

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It's not wrong, but are you getting the fulfilling sense of true intimacy that you obviously crave? After all, the BJ is merely a metaphor for the physical closeness that you subconsciously lack. The sandwich is a metaphor for the loving relationship that lies hidden in your heart, much like the meat and cheese within the slices of bread. :)

LOL! Is there no place in the world for us superficial types?

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LOL! Is there no place in the world for us superficial types?

There is a place for y'all at the intersection of Agony and Despair. :P I think those who deny wanting more genuine relationships are only fooling themselves and usually not very well. It doesn't have to be a romantic connection but I think all humans seek meaningful interactions with others.

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I don't know about all this fancy talk we got goin' on here.

I just want a BJ and a sandwich.

Is that wrong?

+1 BJ and a PBJ! :D

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There is a place for y'all at the intersection of Agony and Despair. :P

Heartbreak Hotel is just up the block from there I think.

I think those who deny wanting more genuine relationships are only fooling themselves and usually not very well. It doesn't have to be a romantic connection but I think all humans seek meaningful interactions with others.

Agree 100%. :)

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LOL! Is there no place in the world for us superficial types?

Yep, there is a place. Even in "loving" relationships, a slam-bam quickie is a welcome thing indeed, as well as a maintenance blow job.

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I don't know about all this fancy talk we got goin' on here.

I just want a BJ and a sandwich.

Is that wrong?

Great thread! You can get a BJ and a sandwich and enjoy it for what it is. When it comes to sex, unlike food, there has long been what has been called the "fallacy of discrimination". That is, we're only supposed to strive to have sex with our true love because sex in any other context is second-rate and therefore avoided. The food analogy would be that you can't enjoy a burger once you tasted filet mignon. That, of course, is ridiculous. We can enjoy both filet mignon and the burger for what they are and they can each be very satisfying. This reality is certainly reflected and made fun of in the signature quote I've used for a while.

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My marriage ended decades ago - but not once did I have a junk food craving during that time - or rather, not one I acted upon. However, once it ended I didn't wait for the State to catch up with the final pronouncement. Now, I get what I need from the hobby.

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"Junk food intimacy a term I've been coining for the modern day hook up in our porn driven society."

Good analogy.

It puts a new meaning to WhataBurger and Der Weinerschnitzel.

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I agree. There is no substitute for sex with someone with whom you are WAY INTO, or someone you love with all your heart. This hobby is exactly as fork describes. It is better than a date with Rosey Palms. It is a "fake" intimacy that serves as a substitute for real intimacy.

To use your analogy, it's the difference between real, prepared food with seasonal ingredients and junk food. I'd rather have what I signed up for -- wonderful, fulfilling sex with my wife -- something we had for the first decade. But while she is still the love of my life in so many ways, it's not the "sex way" and thus I am here. I get the substitute, which is better than nothing at all.

To answer your question, I NEVER had tawdry trysts with women UNTIL I reached the end of my rope. And certainly now I'm not "tricked" into thinking they are going to fulfill my intimacy needs. The hobby fulfills my need for pleasure and yes, closeness, but it's ultimately hollow when you lay down the envelope and realize she would never touch you but for the contents of said envelope. Again, the charade is better than nothing.

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I'm not much for McD's, but the hobby gives me all I need without the unpleasantness of "real world" entaglements.

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