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Client wanting a relationship

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Disclaimer: This post is not about me. I was asked by a fellow Lady to post on her behalf. She would really appreciate advice but would like to remain anonymous.

She has a client she's seen multiple times; both in and out of the bedroom. He's a sweet heart and always goes beyond her request(s) to take care of her. Recently he brought up the topic of turning their dynamic into an actual relationship. He also stated that he wouldn't mind if she continued as a provider. She is skeptical but at the same time she said to me that she would like to take things slower with him. He apparently has some grief/loss issues so she's not wanting to hurt his feelings.

Since Women and Men think very differently, how does a Woman go about telling a Man...

a) Let's just keep this professional

B) I would like to see what happens but can we slow down a bit

c) I don't think we should see each other anymore

...without hurting his feelings if you already know he has some baggage he's working through.

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There's nothing quite so bitter-sweet as unrequited love.

And there's really no way you can do this without causing some pain.

One must guard one's heart on both sides of this business. It is the man's responsibility to guard the man's heart.

The only thing I would suggest is sooner, rather than later.

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Let me know don't string me along. Lol JK, I think it would be best to decide as soon as possible,going to be easier that way.

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Just keeping it real I say keep it business. He has already crossed the line. Obviously somebody is going to get their feelings hurt. I have no doubt she has compassion for him and he connects with her. All clients are drawn to the hobby as some kind of therapy. That's my 2 cents and change.

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Disclaimer: This post is not about me. I was asked by a fellow Lady to post on her behalf. She would really appreciate advice but would like to remain anonymous.

She has a client she's seen multiple times; both in and out of the bedroom. He's a sweet heart and always goes beyond her request(s) to take care of her. Recently he brought up the topic of turning their dynamic into an actual relationship. He also stated that he wouldn't mind if she continued as a provider. She is skeptical but at the same time she said to me that she would like to take things slower with him. He apparently has some grief/loss issues so she's not wanting to hurt his feelings.

Since Women and Men think very differently, how does a Woman go about telling a Man...

a) Let's just keep this professional

B) I would like to see what happens but can we slow down a bit

c) I don't think we should see each other anymore

...without hurting his feelings if you already know he has some baggage he's working through.

A continued relationship of ANY kind is a bad idea with this guy.

1) he brings a lot of baggage with him - grief/loss crap

2) a hobby-turned-romance seldom works out. Yes, possible, but unlikely.

3) it sounds like he has a bit of a puppy dog mentality. That will probably change once the "Relationship" begins

4) simply best to never crap where you eat. Keep business business.

It's nice that she doesn't want to hurt him. Be gentle, but be clear - no relationship. Not even a business one, the line has been crossed.

And do it soon - that would be the kindest thing.

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I don't think she should be worried about his feelings. To avoid any confusion she should be straight forward and honest with him about whatever she wants. This can be done in a polite way but that won't guarantee he'll take it well.

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There is no easy way for her to deal with this.

I know there is no way I would want to get serious with any woman knowing she was sleeping with another guy, let alone several to many other guys. I think many guys that hobby say they could deal with this situation, but when it comes down to it can they really ?

I think if she wants to make the change from provider to lover/girlfriend and wants to make it work she would have a new career coming around the corner

If she is not serious about the guy she should set him straight ASAP. It will hurt him less in the long run

Just my thoughts

Good luck to her

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She is skeptical but at the same time she said to me that she would like to take things slower with him....

Since Women and Men think very differently, how does a Woman go about telling a Man...

B) I would like to see what happens but can we slow down a bit

If she's genuinely interested, but not interested in moving at his pace she needs to tell him and quickly. She should make a counter proposal. See how he does with a limit or two.

On the other hand if she's feeling bad because he's such a nice guy who's had a rough run, so she doesn't want to hurt him? Well good luck with that one.

IMO there's been no boundaries crossed yet. But if she's got zero bf feelings for the guy, put a brake on the whole thing because the guy is already gone.

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Well, Im still pretty new at this, but I guess my opinion about the situation would be to just to go with her Intuition! I've read on here a lot of ladies mention they are retiring because of a "friend" wanting to sweep them off their feet! But 2 weeks later back here starting a thread about how to not just trust everyone! So.

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She has a client she's seen multiple times; both in and out of the bedroom. He's a sweet heart and always goes beyond her request(s) to take care of her. Recently he brought up the topic of turning their dynamic into an actual relationship. He also stated that he wouldn't mind if she continued as a provider. She is skeptical but at the same time she said to me that she would like to take things slower with him. He apparently has some grief/loss issues so she's not wanting to hurt his feelings.

Since Women and Men think very differently, how does a Woman go about telling a Man...

a) Let's just keep this professional That horse left the barn long ago - see above. Time to quit leading the sap on

B) I would like to see what happens but can we slow down a bit That usually translates to "not interested in real relationship but keep that money coming"

c) I don't think we should see each other anymore At this stage if not genuinely interested in relationship beyond ATM, by all means end the whole thing.

...without hurting his feelings if you already know he has some baggage he's working through.

The above is based strictly on your description, always hard to tell without being there. But, seeing him "outside bedroom" and asking for things besides regular fee??? Take a lot of nerve to suggest he started this pending train wreck on his own.

Whether in the context of this hobby or real life or the mingling of the two, it really is pretty simple. Decide what you really want and then be up front, honest and clear with the other person as early on as possible. But standard bs like "want to go slower", "you are a nice guy, but", "I really like you but ..." blah, blah all just needlessly mislead and string things out.

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"her request to take care of her"

She has requested that this man "take care of her," presumably through massive additional tips.

Seems like the perfect "sugar baby" situation, because there is a REASON things are good -- and that is the nature of the CURRENT situation. Client and provider equals great relationship. I don't think they should screw it up, unless it's an explicit sugar baby relationship, and there are people who know far more about that stuff than I do.

Ultimately, I don't think you can have "true love" when money is changing hands. Many of us have wives who started loving us when we were dirt poor. This is real. The stuff that happens in the confines of this hobby is largely a fantasy. I don't know, I'm rambling.

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Don't string him along while making her decision; as others have said the sooner the better. As long as a person is open and honest it's hard to take offense but getting a sense of being played would cause a few hard feelings.

The key here is what does she want to do? Does she want to give it a try, keep it professional or cut the cord completely, the OP doesn't make it clear. If she's uncertain about giving it a try but is still considering it then tell the guy straight out and perhaps the two can work out some sort of experimental let's see where it goes kind of relationship; if not then they move on to deciding on keeping it professional or splitting apart.

As for having crossed a line it's hard to fault someone for being open and honest.

...Happy Hobbying...

...Crazy Horse...

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Technically she should just tell him like it is. Don't hold anything back. If she doesn't want to be with him then awesome. That just how life can be sometimes. Hurt feeling heals get better with booze and times and boozing times. Just keep on trucking fowards. But that's if you go by the book. Me personally could careless about the consequences. If there's a slim chance that it might work out I'd go for it if that is what you really want. But I'm kind of gambler.

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The above is based strictly on your description, always hard to tell without being there. But, seeing him "outside bedroom" and asking for things besides regular fee??? Take a lot of nerve to suggest he started this pending train wreck on his own.

Whether in the context of this hobby or real life or the mingling of the two, it really is pretty simple. Decide what you really want and then be up front, honest and clear with the other person as early on as possible. But standard bs like "want to go slower", "you are a nice guy, but", "I really like you but ..." blah, blah all just needlessly mislead and string things out.

I've had this conversation with providers before. (surprise! I suspect many of us have, too.)

I agree with our feathered friend, based on the OP they both worked to get to their current quandary; easy enough to do. As others have said, the OP's "friend" needs to decide what she wants, and what she's willing to accept, then have a conversation, a dialog, with her client. The sooner the better! The longer she waits, the fewer the options. The client may propose a compromise or be willing to accept one of hers. Their relationship, like any other, became a work-in-progress when the status quo of client/provider was breeched. Yes, the genie can be put back in the bottle. Any thing other than "sever all ties" will require mutual agreement.

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If she's genuinely interested, but not interested in moving at his pace she needs to tell him and quickly. She should make a counter proposal. See how he does with a limit or two.

On the other hand if she's feeling bad because he's such a nice guy who's had a rough run, so she doesn't want to hurt him? Well good luck with that one.

IMO there's been no boundaries crossed yet. But if she's got zero bf feelings for the guy, put a brake on the whole thing because the guy is already gone.

This is good advice.

I have been around here a while and I know provider/client relationships DO work. I personally know of many relationships that start out as business but progress to a personal level. It can happen. There are several gals here that are married and continue to work.

One the other hand, hooker love is short lived.

The key is to end it now if there is zero interest.

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A,B and C seem a little contradictory to be honest. It seems a little too late to keep things strictly professional, it seems that speed things were moving at was OK until he suggested a more serious relationship which he probably thought was possible after her "requests to take care of her" in which he always went beyond. Does she or does she not want to continue to see him?

In my honest opinion, I would think that the lady in question kind of took advantage of the kindness of the gent in question. He was good to her and she liked it and rolled with it. He obviously cares for her so moving towards and actual relationship probably seemed like natural progression to him. She needs to be honest with him and quick, he deserves that especially if he is suffering from some grief and loss issues.

Client/provider relations are no different than other relationships as they develop, they require honesty and nurturing. It's not all that complicated a situation, some just struggle with being honest when it comes to what they want from people.

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It depends if she wants the relationship or now. If she does not, she needs to let him down easy, but don't wait around. The longer she puts it off the harder it will be for him.

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don't string him along, spell out the specifics. he sounds like he is easily manipulated. best to keep it a simple business transaction. he will get hurt and hurts dudes do crazy shit, she might end up with a stalker out of this situation.

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Meeting someone who knows your history as an escort is good thing. This means you don't have lie, or hide it, or feeling embarrassed. If you like him, if you trust him, you don't need him but you want him, you have actually developed feelings for him. Then run with it, who gives a shit what anyone else thinks, its your life. Sometimes people are placed in our lives that are meant to be. You won't know that unless you make a move and give it a try. Make sure you don't need him. But you want him. This makes a huge difference. Don't be selfish.<snip> Unless you willing retire for that man. This is why its very important to have more than one source of income. Having an education helps. Now, if you want him just for his money, let him move on. Because he has clearly stated he has feelings. Don't be a time waster. Make a decision.

I would ask him if he has history of dating escorts. If so, who has he dated in the past. Because this could become a problem later down the road without you evening knowing it. Women and there personalities are bipolar, just like the Colorado weather, you never know what fuck your getting. One min its warm, next its cold. You will need to know these things.

Edited by Kaduk
unnecessary
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