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Trying to Quit

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I'd like to stop doing this. However, I've been at this hobby for about 4-5 years and I've tried to stop several times, but I always end up back at it.

Has anyone else here tried stopping before? Was it just inevitable that you started again? What made you quit in the first place? What brought you back(as if that one needs to be answered)?

It's tough to quit, I don't know if my will can overcome my need to connect with another person, and satisfy my primal urges, which I have a hard time doing in my personal life. It feels like a powerful addiction, one in which I don't know where to seek help for. Every cent I make after bills and basic necessities goes towards this. I've gotten rid of every non-essential in my life in lieu of being able to see more girls.

I prefer this over traditional relationships-at least that's what I tell myself-but it seems inherently self-destructive. It's difficult to do it a little at a time, or only seldomly. Work is stressful, life is mundane at best, and aside from the gym, the hobby is where I turn for comfort. Doesn't always work out:

I spent $860.00 today on 3 providers, and got chased by an angry pimp when I bailed on an appointment due to misleading photos on BP. Two out of three of those appointments I followed through on weren't worth anything at all. Thank god for the one.

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hmmm, I am no psychologist, but the fact that you think there is a problem, means there is a problem.

Why you do this (preferring this over a traditional relationship), and the way you spend your discretionary income is your business, and I personally would not feel bad about that.

Seeing 3 ladies is one day does seem excessive to me, and that may be where the problem is coming in. I have no advice on this area, but I have advice on having a better experience, and I'm sure the gentlemen here do as well. Maybe you can focus your energies on finding a more suitable provider for you, by doing more research (reviews, reputable advertising venues etc.). If you have more positive experiences that meet your needs, maybe you will not be seeking the next adventure so soon. Just my thoughts. Good luck.

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I'd like to stop doing this. However, I've been at this hobby for about 4-5 years and I've tried to stop several times, but I always end up back at it.

Has anyone else here tried stopping before? Was it just inevitable that you started again? What made you quit in the first place? What brought you back(as if that one needs to be answered)?

It's tough to quit, I don't know if my will can overcome my need to connect with another person, and satisfy my primal urges, which I have a hard time doing in my personal life. It feels like a powerful addiction, one in which I don't know where to seek help for. Every cent I make after bills and basic necessities goes towards this. I've gotten rid of every non-essential in my life in lieu of being able to see more girls.

I prefer this over traditional relationships-at least that's what I tell myself-but it seems inherently self-destructive. It's difficult to do it a little at a time, or only seldomly. Work is stressful, life is mundane at best, and aside from the gym, the hobby is where I turn for comfort. Doesn't always work out:

I spent $860.00 today on 3 providers, and got chased by an angry pimp when I bailed on an appointment due to misleading photos on BP. Two out of three of those appointments I followed through on weren't worth anything at all. Thank god for the one.

I am no health or psychology expert but I believe all of the above in red are classic signs of addiction. I suggest consulting an actual professional rather than looking for answers amongst this group. I suspect there are many who can sympathize, but very few here that could really help. This "hobby" is a good place to look for sex - but deep, lasting, meaningful connections - no, no so much. Possible, but not best place to look. Good luck.

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Here's my advice. Give me your hobby money so I can spend it on reputable ladies. Lol ok just kiddin.

I figure if you're eating good, have basic necessities and it isn't damaging your career or personal life then it's not that damaging to you. But if you think it is, donate me your hobby money or find a new hobby. Travel!

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Hookers and sex are like drugs

1) I have a headache take a pill .

I am bored go get some pussy.

2) I had a bad day go get some pussy.

3)I am depressed take a pill, than go get some pussy.

4) I a happy day and some money go get some pussy.

So pussy runs you life yet you are still left feeling alone isolated and empty.

You have a hook In your jaw and you can't get it out.

Its sad but once your in it is almost impossible to get out . The ladies have the same problems but different reasons and the only reason. (MONEY)

good luck

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For some people, this is an addiction, just like any other. The restless, irritable and discontent you needs something to deal with life. It would appear you have chosen not just sex, but sex that puts you in sometimes dangerous positions. I know of which I speak.

There are thousands of men who have beaten this. They are members of an organization called SAA, Sex Addicts Anonymous. My strong recommendation would be for you to seek them out. You'll discover that sex isn't your problem; it's your solution, and the best way to find help is to talk to others just like you.

There is another group, SA. I would not recommend them, for their issue is the elimination of lust, which I find similar to the elimination of human nature.

Good luck.

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I am no health or psychology expert but I believe all of the above in red are classic signs of addiction. I suggest consulting an actual professional rather than looking for answers amongst this group...
Sound advice gr8owl. Just like with any addiction, don't look to those who don't see it as a problem, look for professionals who can help you!
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I can tell you that 5 years of counseling did a world of good for me. It help me navigate my perception of life, both in and out of the hobby. I recommend that anyone who is struggling with some part of their life or personality, seek help from a qualified professional.

They aren't there to change you, they are there to help you decide how YOU want to change you. :)

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I spent $860.00 today on 3 providers, and got chased by an angry pimp when I bailed on an appointment due to misleading photos on BP. Two out of three of those appointments I followed through on weren't worth anything at all. Thank god for the one.

Actions speak louder that words.

If you're doing something, you want to do it. If you really don't like something, you will not be doing it.

There's lots of drunks and drug addicts who say they don't like it, don't want it, and then they go right back to using. That's because they love getting high but are conditioned by society to say they don't like it.

In psychology that's called "neurotic behavior" where you say the exact opposite of what you like. You complain about things you really like and so on.

One solution to that is to just admit that you like X and enjoy it.

We do not do things we hate and object to, so if you're doing something, do say you hate because you don't.

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if you feel as though this is affecting your life in a negative manner, which it seems to be. I would also say look into a resolution for your struggle, such as professional help. I'm actually amazed by the recommendations and input of the tob community!

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I think you need an experienced psychologist, and I think you need to find a real relationship. Once you have experienced true love, you might find it addicting, more fulfilling, and much less dangerous (no crazed pimps).

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Actions speak louder that words.

If you're doing something, you want to do it. If you really don't like something, you will not be doing it.

There's lots of drunks and drug addicts who say they don't like it, don't want it, and then they go right back to using. That's because they love getting high but are conditioned by society to say they don't like it.

In psychology that's called "neurotic behavior" where you say the exact opposite of what you like. You complain about things you really like and so on.

One solution to that is to just admit that you like X and enjoy it.

We do not do things we hate and object to, so if you're doing something, do say you hate because you don't.

The problem with Dweller's analysis is that there is a real difference between a "thrill" and "true happiness." That is, something may make you "feel good" and give you a thrill, but it does not lead to true happiness.

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TRYING to quit? I shake my head when people use this terminology. Either you quit or you don't quit. It's a choice. "trying" is just an excuse -- as if that mitigates failure.

Quit, don't quit, whatever -- but take responsibility for your choice.

I'd like to stop doing this.

Then stop.

I've tried to stop several times

No you haven't. If you really wanted to stop, you would have.

Has anyone else here tried stopping before?

No. If I tried to stop, I would have stopped.

It's tough to quit

If you really want to quit, you will.

I spent $860.00 today on 3 providers

So? If that's taking food off your table, then you need to stop or cut back. If not, I don't see that it matters.

and got chased by an angry pimp when I bailed on an appointment due to misleading photos on BP. Two out of three of those appointments I followed through on weren't worth anything at all. Thank god for the one.

This just sounds like poor research. Did these hookers have good reviews, or did you just call some numbers from BP? If you're seeing established, reviewed hookers, your percentage will go way up.

I'll bet that if your $860 had resulted in 3 really good appointments, you wouldn't be here wondering if you should quit. You'd be making another phone call.

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For me it is time to quit when this stops being fun, and right now still having a real good time. thumbsup.gif

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If you're doing something, you want to do it. If you really don't like something, you will not be doing it.

There's lots of drunks and drug addicts who say they don't like it, don't want it, and then they go right back to using. That's because they love getting high but are conditioned by society to say they don't like it.

With due respect, Dweller, [snip] I have been in recovery and therapy for 15 years on a number of issues and have helped hundreds of men and women caught in the spiral of addiction. Your ignorance here is pretty typical of people on the outside looking in [snip].

Edited by The Oxymoron
antagonistic
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There are thousands of men who have beaten this. They are members of an organization called SAA, Sex Addicts Anonymous.

I always wondered if this would be a good place to pick up chicks.

But seriously, anyone who sees escorts is going to answer Yes to more than one of their self-assessment questions. I guess we're all addicts by their definition.

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With due respect, Dweller, [snip] I have been in recovery and therapy for 15 years on a number of issues and have helped hundreds of men and women caught in the spiral of addiction. Your ignorance here is pretty typical of people on the outside looking in [snip].

Dude, I've been a psychotherapist for over twenty years and worked in addiction for a good part of that. I wrote the relapse prevention policy for the state of Pennsylvania that cover all of their programs. And, I worked with sex offenders for a good amount of time, and that's handled kind of like an addiction.

I know all about the psychology of addicts, probably more than an addict does.

Any addict can quit any addiction instantly and I've known many that have. If you can't, it means you LIKE your addiction and don't want to stop. But, as I've said, many are scared to be who they are and do what they want, so the continuously lie and say they want to quit, etc.

It's the mentality of a little kids who lies to mom but then does what they want, gets in trouble, lies again, and so on. Many addicts come from chaotic families that taught them to lie, stressed them out, encouraged more lying and so on.

Bottomline, if you want to quit, you will. If you enjoy hookers, doing clandestine things, getting chased by pimps, etc, then enjoy it, BECAUSE YOU DO. You're Jack Sparrow, not Clark Kent!

YOLO.

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I always wondered if this would be a good place to pick up chicks.

But seriously, anyone who sees escorts is going to answer Yes to more than one of their self-assessment questions. I guess we're all addicts by their definition.

Well, it's illegal and seeing hookers is contrary to family life, expensive, etc and it's going to impact your life.

BUT, do you enjoy it!

I've given questionnaires to therapy patients about drug use and criminals behavior. All the questions rest on what's called "bourgeois values" which means the shallow and narrow requirements set by the nervous middle class.

I'd assume that anyone seeing escorts doesn't care about the legality of it, the impact it has on relationships, and other bs. They want to enjoy a sexual experience and don't care what society tells them to do.

A person like that is not in bourgeois life, even if they seem to be to others, but rather they're more like a swashbuckler, an adventurer. You have to ask yourself who you are, are you really the middle class guy, or someone else.

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I agree like waiting in line for 45 min. at the state fair just to have the joy end in 2.2 seconds. For most jons that = to $100 per minute. not a bad deal for both parties.

lilithia

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I'd like to stop doing this. However, I've been at this hobby for about 4-5 years and I've tried to stop several times, but I always end up back at it.

Has anyone else here tried stopping before? Was it just inevitable that you started again? What made you quit in the first place? What brought you back(as if that one needs to be answered)?

Hey - when I first started I would see three ladies a week and then eventually slowed down. I did quite a few due to business reasons and other things - a couple times for a year - but always find myself coming back! Enjoyed the company of a lady and sometimes dinner out! So I temper my activity from time to time. Have gone for months at a time - just enjoyed it!

So you have to think to yourself - why are you doing this and do you really want to quit? Just saying is there a AAA for guys that love doing this?

Just enjoy or get an attitude adjustment - or donate you money (like someone said) so you have none to do this!

Enjoy and have fun!

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This is the last thing I'm gonna say here, because I've already been warned once, but I'm so pissed I could just spit. To the people suggesting that the OP should "just quit," you are not helping; you are very likely hurting a person reaching out for help. That's all. Thank you very much.

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This is the last thing I'm gonna say here, because I've already been warned once, but I'm so pissed I could just spit. To the people suggesting that the OP should "just quit," you are not helping; you are very likely hurting a person reaching out for help. That's all. Thank you very much.

Quitting is impossible IF YOU LOVE DOING SOMETHING.

As I'm sure you know from your addiction adventures, people need to "hit bottom" which means finally learn that their behavior is negative. If they don't learn that why should they quit?

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I definitely would suggest at least going to a meeting of one of these organizations. You will probably meet someone to whom you can relate.

Back east I used to attend Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, which was somewhat useful. There are many aspects to addiction.

http://www.slaafws.org/no-meetings

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I definitely would suggest at least going to a meeting of one of these organizations. You will probably meet someone to whom you can relate.

Back east I used to attend Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, which was somewhat useful. There are many aspects to addiction.

http://www.slaafws.org/no-meetings

Did you see any hot chicks at the addicts class? Huh? Did ya?

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I spent $860.00 today on 3 providers, and got chased by an angry pimp when I bailed on an appointment due to misleading photos on BP. Two out of three of those appointments I followed through on weren't worth anything at all. Thank god for the one.

Sorry to point this out, but when you write "thank god for the one [good session]", on a day when you had two failed appointments, at least one totally crappy experience, and lost a lot of money, it looks like you are of two minds on whether you actually want to quit.

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I know the trials and tribulations of trying to quit. Time and time again, I have tried to quit. One time, I tried just tapering off; only a few, spread far apart. I just couldn't break the habit. I just kept getting drawn back into it. I tried to quit cold turkey, and swore off of the habit altogether. But everywhere I'd go, I would see others enjoying it; the urge was too strong. I was too weak, I had no willpower. I kept going back to it, again and again. I couldn't quit, I was hooked. I felt I had no choice, no trying on my part would work. I fell deeper and deeper into my addiction.

Until one day, I sought professional help. They convinced me I could live without it; all the money I had spent, all the time searching for it, finding it, savoring it and then finally, overcoming my fears and finding the way to give it up, once and for all. I did it, free at last...I had quit that nasty addiction once and for all...No more smoking cigarettes for me!

Or wait...was that not the subject here?...Oops, my bad. Never mind...

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It is true- man spends the first nine months of his life- trying to get out of pussy; only to spend the rest of it trying to get right back in there.

Sounds like we are a addiction for you, and this is not a poor man's sport, for sure. Maybe as others have `said- slow down-do your research- don't settle for those with pimps. Your asking for trouble there. But with a little more effort on your part, you should find a few in this candy factory that will fill your needs.

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It's very true this is not a "poor man's sport" I find myself having to save for months to engage in a session of "theorpy". Yes I consider this my theorpy for my issues. It works for me and I have no regrets. I spent weeks determining the provider I was going to initially see. Once I got the courage up to call her, she instantly made me feel totally at ease about asking for an appointment. Yes, I would say there was an immediate connection there and the rest is history as they say. I was at first surprised at seeing her more than once but I still see her even presently. Why? For me it was because of a connection. Why? Because I did my homework. Shopping is half the fun. Do a little window shopping. Have a conversation. But if you just looking to drop a load... move on ...nothing here to see..as they say. Even though you are paying for her personal services you are never going to have satisfaction just stickin' it in and rubbin' one off. My only advice is go for quality instead of quanity. Plenty of ladies here will take that $800 and let you have MSOG to wear you out enough to make you limp away. Take your time and shop. Make a connection tbat works for you. If it doesn't work for her she will communicate that one way or another. Good Luck and Happy Happy Happy!!! Bawwooooowwooo!!

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