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About codeman

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    Learning My Way

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    Colorado Springs
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  1. Heart Break

    Hey buds. I was just curious what you thought about heart break because I have been wondering something. Do you think love ever goes away? It has come to my mind that maybe it can change a bit... but I am not sure it's something that ever goes away. I had met this girl two years ago. She was absolutely drop dead gorgeous and a personality that shined brighter than the sun. She was everything I ever wanted like all in one giant package. She came into my life and without writing too much... Because I am famous for writing novels... We fell in love really hard. It was the first time in my life I had fallen in love because of what happened to me years later. I've only been in two real relationships in my life but this one was different in every way. The relationship ended after a year and a half or so... Her boyfriend came back after a long time... and well lets just say got his head out of his ass. She has two great kiddos and he is the father so I didn't know what was going to happen... I won't go into all the details because it's very confusing but in the end she is getting married to him this year. The whole situation had completely devastated me to the point I was having anxiety attacks ( I am already prone to those ) and also I stopped eating and maybe got two hours of sleep every other night or so for a while... It was so bad that I didn't know if my heart could handle it. It would beat funny and I fell into a horrible depression. It was the mot horrible feeling I had ever gone through. I still struggle a little bit these days when I see pictures of her with him and I get super jealous mode going... It's really bad so I ended up getting off of Facebook etc... It was so hard for me. And as much as she hurt me I love that women to the sky and I always will. She messages me every now and then to say hi and she even told me I will always be in her heart etc. She lets me know she thinks about me from time to time but I am really distancing because it would hurt me even more if I hurt her relationship and her kids. I want to respect her family. We still talk to this day but not very much... She knows how bad I felt after it and she felt horrible I could tell. It's just come to my attention I am not too sure love ever goes away. I know there are so many kinds of relationships but when you really love someone do you think that ever goes away? I had given her these bracelets that I always wore that were really special to me and once in a blue moon I see her wearing them. She did tell me that I am the reason why everything is working out with her family now etc etc and I know why... because my whole life this has happened to me. So I have to be very careful and I am learning that for some reason girls run to me for comfort and I fall for it a lot... Then I am usually tossed to the side or used in some way. She did not mean to and I know the feelings were real for her too. I know she didn't mean to do this but it's a pattern I see in my life a lot. I'll never forget when I was 18 (LONG TIME AGO) I had asked this girl out... she said no. I felt terrible but we stayed friends. A week later she had a boyfriend. Used me to see him etc... LOL DON'T ASK. I was young... and of course I helped her out etc.... It was stupid. She suckered me in so bad. Turns out he started beating her and she ended up with two kids. We lost touch... and she got n touch with me last year and asked if I wanted to hang out... (Her bf was a sleazebag obviously) So again it was like lets go to Codeman!! Well I ended up blocking her. I didn't say anything... I wasn't mean... but it means I have learned. Anyway... That was a long time ago. The women I am talking about that I fell in love with... I don't know. I wanted to ask you all if you ever had an experience of really really bad heart break and maybe some of the things you did to get over it? I still think about her all the time. How long does it last? I have seen a girl I know off and on who has been my friend for a while and we have kissed etc and I thought gosh this is just what I need! But it doesn't really help. She is always so busy too... and if I never said hi I would never even hear from her. Does it get better with time?? I'm so thankful she still keeps in touch with me even if it's just to say hi. I will always love her very very much and don't think it'll go away completely but it will get so much easier I know... Anyway let me know what you think! I was just wondering if this is something that any of you have experience with and what the heck I can do to feel better... Other than getting in another relationship. This is why I joined TOB! I am lonely most times... and as I have explained it's already so hard for me to be out in public and meet people etc.... I am just ready to have some fun! I've needed some sugar laid on me for so long now. But I also am HUGE into friendship and actually getting to know people. I love bonding and making new friends. Everybody here has been so cool and nice since I have arrived! Take care and have a beautiful weekend
  2. Friendly reminder for newbies...please read

    Hey! Yeah... I had that topic deleted and just decided to quiet down and go a little more incognito and learn a bit... I hope I didn't ruin my rep. Frustration levels have just been off the charts! But as it says by my name... Codeman is learning his way hehe
  3. Friendly reminder for newbies...please read

    I struggled with this because of how open I am and talkative and I think it got me in trouble a couple of times. I am still new as well but I would say just go with the flow and what feels right. I'm learning I got to meet in person first before engaging in more friendly conversation otherwise it just doesn't seem to work out well. I may have misunderstood this wrong after scrolling up.... Weasel has good advice there
  4. Traveling ladies

    I was shocked because San Francisco is so huge! Does anybody know why Colorado in particular is so active? I've loved the bay area ever since I went on vacation there in 2010. I got to see Alcatraz. There's a lot of ghosts there... Be safe and have fun
  5. Frustrated

    Gina it's okay! They did ask for that but I completely understand. I want everyone to feel safe... I want this all to be professional and I just want people to be safe. I did ask for a refund. Everything is all set now. I will figure it all out and I know it'll all work. I respect the whole process very much like I said. I don't blame ladies for wanting P411 and as much verification as possible. I don't take any of it personal but it definitely is hard to get my foot in the door. I think I will be okay though I will keep learning and cruising around on here! I am not going anywhere and everyone has been so nice to me. Thanks for your help Gina. I would rather be turned down by lady than have her be super anxious because that means people are using their heads and being careful.
  6. Frustrated

    Thank you both for helping me out. I sure appreciate it. It just seems like I have given them my whole life story and all kinds of ID's and really personal stuff. I've given them enough information that they could pin point exactly where I am and who I am and what I do and they still aren't budging and I already struggle with money... and they still have it on hold. Like I said I really do understand safety. I understand the importance of the process etc but I have given them things that should have already got me through. I think the anger comes from me knowing I am a good guy and I am being shut down even while giving them so much information... I even offered to show doctor records and all kinds of stuff. That's where I am getting super frustrated... but then at the same time I want ladies to feel super safe so I do respect it so much
  7. New here

    You all are the best. Thanks so much for the warm welcome here.
  8. Frustrated

    I recently applied for my p411. I paid for it. I gave them a picture of my license with the date hand written next to it. I gave them my most recent phone bill with my name. I gave them all the details they asked for. I gave them employment records but because it was so long ago and I have been unemployed since my concussion and neurological stuff I had happen to me I been seeing a functional neurologist for 2 years. I was having like ten seizures a day. I was in a blindfold for a year and a half off and on and almost lost my vision among other things. I tried explaining this to them but they said they can’t help me and I need at least 2 newbie friendly p411 providers. It’s so frustrating because I know what kind of guy I am and I would do anything for anybody. I’m really trying hard to get this all straightened out. I already gave them 100 dollars. I joined here because it’s harder than ever for me to go out in the public and meet people. I came here knowing this would be so healthy for me. It kinda makes me mad that assholes and creeps in this world ruin it for the really good people who would do anything for anybody. I do understand the safety behind all of this though it just is a little upsetting. If anybody can help me out it would mean the world to me. I’m not sure how this works still. Hugs -codeman
  9. Flu bug

    Make sure you are getting some sunlight too. Also if you eat a cup of strawberries a day those pack some really great vitamin C. I went (mosty organic) I do the best I can... I can't go all organic because of money. I have not been sick since 2012 and my alleriges which I struggled with daily have gone away. I used to not be able to breathe since I was about 12 years old. I think I had some food allergen... but I noticed cleaning out my diet and really learning about nutrition can hold off pretty much any virus out there. At least for me. All of our bodies are different! I am really into nutrition and have been studying it daily for maybe 5 years now. It's really part of my life. Get some good probiotics in you and if possible I would get a good water filter! You don't have to be perfect! I buy these organic peanut butter cups (actually they are sun butter...) THEY'RE TO DIE FOR. They are allergen free. I know what you got is just a little virus but diet can prevent these things from ever happening! I am a true believer in that. I went to red lobster last night haha. Their drinks are so good.... I felt all warm after but I am a lightweight. lol. Get that sunlight too vitamin D plays a huge role in killing off bugs as well. I'd make sure you are taking a clean liquid multivitamin daily too. Nothing synthetic. I am teased a lot for being picky what I put in my body but it saved my life. It's helped me anxiety so much... FEEL BETTER MAN! soak in that sun and BREATTTTTTTHE.
  10. Newbie needs help

    I’m a newbie too but just do it right and keep it professional as possible and it will pay off! I’m learning as I go too. I actually think it’s great seeing some of these replies. Safety is essential. I can’t imagine some of the messages some ladies get on here all the time. I don’t take anything personal. I know I’m safe and I know who I am as a person with a huge heart. I respect this whole process and it’s cool to see so many smart people on here who really take this serious. Just do it right and it’ll all pay off for you I’m sure man! Safety first.
  11. Facebook and social media

    JR that’s crazy with the MySpace fact there!! I think I need a break too... After the breakup I been an absolute mess. heart pain is real. Thank you so much for the feedback. I’m glad it works for you too! You brought some memories back when I had a MySpace a looooooooooong time ago lol
  12. New here

    I almost did and thought ehhhhhhh lol. I have it too so I understand... and Tourettes! I’m just loads of fun lol. Thank you tide. thank you everybody
  13. after lady retires

    I sometimes wonder how I will handle it if I connect to someone very strongly and then it just comes to an end. I’m hoping I can make a dear friend on here and no matter what happens if they do move on we at least keep in touch. Even if things change a little bit... it’s always been so important to me. Maybe I’ll make a best friend you never know.
  14. Friendly reminder for newbies...please read

    Hey you learn something new everyday haha. I’ve heard dm on twitter before and I thought they accidentally put D instead of P. And they meant PM. Which I guess they did! DM, PM, IM, got it!